In the blue corner, we have a 62-year-old economist, head of the IMF, putative president of France.  I can’t tell his height and weight from the photos and TV, but he looks out of shape.  And in the red corner, we have the maid from Guinea, also height and weight unknown, but 32 and athletic-looking; after all she does hard manual labor every day, and appears in a picture to be in pretty good shape.

The so-called story: DSK tackles her and drags her into the bedroom. While this is not logical, it is physically possible. The rest however, is not.  He throws her on the bed, holds her down and thrusts his penis in her mouth, not once but twice.

Let’s stop for a minute and closely examine this story.  He would need both his hands to hold her on the bed and use his weight to position her on her back. She claims to be struggling, twisting and turning while being held down. If so, how does he get his erect penis in her mouth?

First the angle is all wrong.  As we know an erect penis is usually parallel to the man’s body and does not easily bend. So while straddling her on the bed, how does he get it into her mouth? Especially if she is twisting her head back and forth. Try this at home.

Second, how does he open her mouth? If this is not consensual, I assume she would not open her mouth voluntarily.  He has both hands engaged holding her arms down. If he lifts her head to position it to insert his penis, he would only have one hand to hold her on the bed. Possible? Maybe. But while holding her head with one hand and the other engaged keeping one arm on the bed, how does he open her mouth? And wouldn’t she hit him with her free arm? It is possible to vaginally rape her with both hands holding her arms and using his body to spread her legs and hold her on the bed, but orally? It is the claim of two oral assaults which make this story unbelievable.

Thus I assume that DSK must be an octopus since he needs more arms and hands than a human does.

I hope the defense team photographed each inch of his penis to see if there are any teeth marks. If in fact he is an octopus and managed to get his erect penis into her mouth while this athletic young lady is struggling, there must be teeth marks on it. If not this is just another fable.